So, here we go again.

President Museveni has approved the creation of three brand new districts from Tororo. Because clearly, what Uganda needs most right now isn’t medicine in hospitals, or teachers in classrooms, or roads that don’t double as swimming pools, it’s districts. Glorious, shiny, freshly-carved districts.

We’re told this is to “bring services closer to the people.” Oh yes, because that totally worked with the last batch of 100 districts. Remind me again where the services are? Oh right, they’re still “coming soon,” like a broken promise on loop.

But let’s not pretend this is about development. It’s not. This is district engineering for job creation, but not for you. Not for that unemployed graduate sitting in a kiosk trying to design CVs on borrowed data. This is job creation for the NRM retirement home, where political fossils are preserved in taxpayer-funded comfort.

Enter Tanga Odoi and Ofwono Opondo are the real beneficiaries of this cartographic miracle. Because when you create new districts, you create new constituencies. And when you create new constituencies, ta-dah suddenly, people who’ve spent the last decade shouting on talk shows and clinging to party headquarters like moss on a wet rock now see their big comeback tour.

Tanga Odoi has basically been rehearsing for this. He’s been hovering like a mosquito over Tororo politics for years, just waiting for the perfect swamp to breed in. And now? The man’s got a fresh, tailor-made constituency. All those years of TV debates and condescending lectures on party loyalty finally paying off in the form of an MP seat wrapped like a Christmas gift.

And then there’s Ofwono Opondo. You thought he was just the government mouthpiece? Think again. This is the unofficial NRM retirement plan: scream into microphones long enough, and eventually, they’ll just carve you out your own little fiefdom. Why fight for a constituency when one can be printed for you?

And the cherry on top? We’re being told that this will solve the historical tensions between the
Itesots and the Japhadola as if districts are peace treaties and electoral boundaries are therapy.
Why now? Because it’s an election season, and the NRM needs new turf to plant its plastic
flowers. This isn’t governance. It’s stage management.

More MPs. More per diems. More SUVs with sirens. More speeches. More nothing.

And as always, the Ugandan citizen gets the honor of paying for the whole show. Front row. No
refunds.